Happy Birthday, Ethel....errr.. Lucy...

Today's the big day.  The Big 5-0.  No, not me.  But almost me.  My other half.  No, not Tom.  He's my better half.  I'm talking about my other half, Ethel.  (I'm Lucy)  She will beg to differ.  She's Lucy and I'm Ethel.  It's an ongoing argument and as she turns 50, the argument turns about 19.

Happy Birthday, Connie, it's been quite a ride, sister.

Our friendship began over exercise if you can believe that.  We live in a small town with no gym and seemed to be the only two people interested in exercise so we met in our living rooms to exercise with a video in the VCR. Remember those?  VCRs.  They were hot.   We exercised so hard things on the mantle would shake.

Two Peas in a Pod

Over time, long talks on the patio would follow exercise and eventually the exercise was replaced by going out to eat or to a movie.  And now we kind of regret that and are trying to exercise again, but we can't get the stupid VCR to work, so we might as well sit on the patio.

Speaking of the VCR not working......  It was Connie I called in an emergency one day, "Aunt Mary's stuck in the VCR!" I screamed over the phone, "Come quick, I can't get her out."

See Connie and I have had a lot of those "come quick" calls.  When I needed neosporin on my butt, who do you think I called to apply it?  When Tom was out of town and I had a stalker, who do you think crawled in bed with me and my kids?  Yes, all of us in one room.  Quaking.  And it went both ways.  When baby Grayson was sick and cried all night long (literally), who do you think Connie called to come restrain her from a murderous act?

Oh, Aunt Mary.  I forgot about her, left you hanging.  Aunt Mary, my great aunt, went to Californey and ended up on the Bob Barker show and won, among other small things, a pick-up truck.  I recorded the show and would often watch it because Aunt Mary was pretty funny and she gave Bob Barker a run for his money.  One day, the tape of Aunt Mary got stuck in the VCR and I didn't want to ruin it, so I thought Ethel Lucy and I could extract it.  We couldn't.  We couldn't re-assemble the VCR either, so I lost both objects.

At some point in our friendship, Algore invented the internet.  We discovered email, how fun!  That shot our relationship up another level, then of course, many years later, text messages and facebook shot our relationship off the charts.

Even in the emails, we were there for each other.  Like Nov. 25, '96, 10:41 am I got an email with this subject line:  I NEED YOUR HELP!!   She wouldn't appreciate if I told you what THAT was all about.

Sure, we've had our ups and downs, like this email that began

I'm writing to beg forgiveness.  I didn't get around to feeding the cats.  Are they still alive??  And the goats, are they OK??  I had every intention to feed them.  Even had the boys remind me (although Will yelled out his reminder last night at bedtime!).

Of course I never asked her to feed our pets while we were out of town again.

And we have had sappy moments like this one

I just want you to know how much I enjoy receiving your e-mail messages.  I just read the one you sent (reading to Marj, waking up all crumpled, doing your laundry wrong) {editor's note:yeah, I wrote thrillers back then}.  The mood I'm in today, I almost started crying because it was like someone out there was saying "Hang in there, kid.  You've gotta friend."

Helpful, encouraging moments:

Have you ever burped up vitamins???  I took a handful on an empty stomach this AM before I left for work and thought I was going to barf before I got to the office.  I had to (HAD TO) stop and get a biscuit to calm things down.  Anyhow, I got your three messages and have decided that you stayed up so late just so you could feel like crap just like me.   You're such a friend!!!

What?!?!?!?!?  Your wick is stuck??  What were you doing?  Putting it in some undisclosed area??  Girl, we need a night out!

Help me! Help me! Help me!  I'm a big glob of fat growing globier and globier by the minute! I don't understand why. All I've had to eat today is three donuts and a trough full of Japanese food.

Weight and health was and still is a large part of our communication.

That's what you are!  A big 'ole dog head.  Do you honestly think that I care if you've lost three friggin' pounds??  I mean, just because I'm swelling up like a pus-filled sore, doesn't mean you should flaunt your diet successes in my face.  Just kidding. (Editor's note: that was before we knew you could say JK)  Of course I'm happy for you, but before you know it, you'll be in the hospital dying from anorexia and I'll be standing beside your bed (while eating a frosty from Wendy's) crying, saying something like, "If only I hadn't made her think she could actually lose that much weight...."

And I found the moment when Kwik Karry first entered our relationship.  Kwik Karry is the greasy spoon where we meet for breakfast as often as possible.  I've ordered the same thing for 20 years and now it's Val's Usual, except sometimes it comes out Val's Usually.  A little southern grammar issue.

After my first visit to Kwik Karry, Connie wrote: "So, now I can start a rumor about you and the preacher man and Casey.  A three-some.  Dining at the local greasy spoon.  How interesting!!  We can call this saga Breakfast at Hoyt's or As the Wagon Wheel Turns."

As will all great friendships, ours occasionally required some brutal, honest reprimands.

Notice how all your emails to me lately have been responses to my emails?  Get off the foggy headed wagon and put on that creative thinking hat and write me, girl.  I need gossip, lusty stories, made up rumors and the like!!!  My sanity at work depends on your messages.  You wouldn't want the guilt of me going off the deep-end because of your lack of creativity, would you?

So you see, it's all her fault I started this blog.

Happy Birthday, old friend.  You put the old in old friend.  (I'm such a young hottie)  Let me end this with a quote from you on April 1, 97.

Maybe I should try to get some work done, right??
OK, call or write later ifn' you get a chance.

More on the birthday girl:

In which she feeds the seagulls
In which she introduces me to Madea movies
In which she narrowly avoids the po-po
In which we take a three-hour tour
In which we take a cupcake tour of FL