The Surgeon Dug Deep and Stirred Up More than Cataracts

The bright hot white light in my eye was borderline painful, there was no color kaleidoscope from the refraction of instruments or scrubs. This was cold and harsh, bright, dramatic and imposing, hostile.

I felt no euphoric relief from the IV, just a sense of impatience running through my veins .

"You're doing great." The surgeon would try to speakj soothingly. He would quietly request an instrument or firmly issue a directive focused solely on the eye before him, the eye that would sob hysterically in the motherless recovery room

The nurse responds to the anesthesiologist as they discuss Christmas plans.

I cannot possibly hold my eye open with that bright beam overhead. I'm sure I'm not doing great, just great.

The nurse pushes my cot through the halls to the recovery room. I want to scream as we pass the prep rooms just to scare the patients about to endure this. I think it would be funny. I resist the urge but grin nonetheless.

The tears explode fast in recovery when my body reconciles debilitation and my motherless status.

Mom. I want my mom.

I whisper it and gasp with the shock of the reality that I won't ever see my mom again in Earthly form.

The nurse runs to my side anxious, confused

"What's going on?" 

"My mother died recently," I tried to say, "And she was always here for me." The lack of her presence at my recovery takes my breath away.

The desolation of nothing but bright light followed by the desolation of a dark client empty recovery room was too much. 

I broke.

The nurse wheeled me out to my daughter's car, Marjorie, my mother's namesake. Her eyes melted with compassion, "What," she whispered. 

"I miss my mom."

She nodded, reached over and tucked my loose hair behind my ear and slid the car in gear, wiping a tear from her eye. "Let's get you a Starbucks coffee."

Mom always got me a 3 Musketeers bar, but the coffee is way better.

I slide the old timey large, dark sunglasses on over my bandages and accept that I'm the old person now.  

Hold 'Er Tight, Dad

I'm in the passenger seat of a '93 silver Chevrolet pickup truck with the wind blowing my hair into my eyes and my dad beside me, hands firm on the wheel.

"She's strong," he says.

"WHAT?!" I scream over the wind and loud engine.

"I said, 'She's strong,' I have to hold her tight."

I'm taken back 46 years earlier in an even older pickup we called Sanford where our positions are reversed. I am at the wheel; dad, the passenger, windows down.

"Hold 'er tight," he tells me. "She'll want to pull to the right."

He is teaching me how to drive on a stick shift pickup. I am 14 years old and I have to stretch my legs full out to reach that clutch. 46 years later I still drive a stick, still stretch full out.

Since mom passed, the two of us remain, still side by side trying to survive, still loving an old vehicle, an old pickup.

Mom was so mad when he bought Sanford, mainly because of it's color -- chartreuse, but also because it was so old. The stick shift didn't bother her, she was tough, I get it from her. And she could drive anything, including my motorcycle which she crashed into her own Mustang without leaving my driveway, her mother swinging on my front patio, yelling at her. Otherwise, she drove good. I mean, normally.

Mom broke her wrist that day, requiring surgery and it never recovered well. She broke her other wrist years later, also at my house, when she missed the chair she meant to sit in. It missed her, actually, by rolling out of position. She didn't realize the chair was on wheels.

An 18-wheeler passes us on I-485 Outer and the extra gust of wind jerks the old truck. 

"Hold 'er tight!" I scream.

Dad's knuckles go white.

Dad with his first car, outside his campus dorm.

The interstate is clogged, bumper to bumper, but moving fast. Very dangerous and most cars around here have minor dents.

The 2.38% increase in population this past year has created problems for the department of transportation. 117 people move to Charlotte every day, making it one of the fastest growing cities in the US. The annoyance of which dad expresses every time we go out for a ride - or "rotating" as dad calls it. We pronounce it "rotatin'" with a nod to Uncle Moose.

When Uncle Moose and dad went out rotatin', I was not allowed to go along. I'm not positive what all they did, but once a year they would return with Uncle Moose driving a new Cadillac for Aunt Dawn. Then Moose and Dawn would have two cars in Charlotte to drive back home to upstate NY. Every year, Aunt Dawn got a new caddy and every 8 or 9 years she would get a new Doberman Pinscher. I was scared to death of those dogs. That was how my uncle expressed his love.

Dad and I pull into my brother Steve's driveway and kill the engine.

The quietness is shocking. I comb my hair with great difficulty, crank open the heavy steel door and fall out of the truck, giving my brother my usual greeting, "Oh, hi Steve."

Dad used to buy used cars in NC and we'd drive them up to NY to sell. New Yorkers loved the cars with no rust. I loved having a different car every few months. Dad would let me drive them around for a few weeks before selling them. I especially loved this one.

I don't know how many more years we have living side by side without mom, but Hold 'er tight, dad, Hold 'er tight.

Snapping Green Beans

I'm snapping beans in a large, bright unfamiliar kitchen in a city of 2,321,000 at the end of the first quarter in the 21st century.

I was 12 when my mom let me use a sharp knife to snap beans grown in dad's unreasonably large family garden. She taught me to nestle the smooth end in my palm, extending my pointer finger on the back of the blade.

"After you snap the ends, cut the beans in half and set them in the collander," mom instructed while Nana slid her eyes up to peek at me.  

"It's time to cool off," mom would periodically announce. Nana, Lisa and I would set the beans aside and jump into the pool.

The neighbor boys would come swim, standing shoulder to shoulder at the pool's edge while my brother, in his cowboy hat up on dad's shoulders would shoot his toy gun at the boys. "Pow! Pow!" One by one the boys would fall into the pool like a row of dominoes.

A bird sat outside the fence eating dad's blueberries through the netting.

My brother was 2 by then, sucking his two middle fingers at nap time and wearing his blankie thin.

We girls would get back to the business of the beans, our swimsuits dripping through the wide, scratchy chair webbing.

The new owners have long since filled in the pool, covering it with grass. I can't imagine not wanting your pool.

Even dad, who couldn't swim proper enjoyed the pool, flopping and splashing frantically as he grasped the pool's edge moving slowly down the length of the pool.

Uncle Bill had to rescue him one time. Dad lost his grip of the edge and began to plunge toward the hopper. Uncle Bill tossed his large, bulky video camera to the ground and rescued his brother. 

People today won't understand how rare a video camera was the the 70s. People today have a video camera perpetually in the palm of their hand.

Yesterday somebody somewhere dropped their video camera (phone) from an airplane as they were jumping out. The phone filmed sky and earth in rotation until it landed with a thud in a pig sty at which point it kept filming nothing but blue sky until an enormous pig's face appeared. The thing recorded the pigs until a farmer's face appeared. The farmer posted the video, it went viral within hours and the owner retrieved his phone.  Hi Ho the Dairy-O.

Mom would carry our snapped beans into the knotty pine, dark kitchen and rinse them well, all the while humming a tune or listening to Jim Nabors singing from a 5 foot long walnut stereo system. She would boil those beans forever, blowing her steamy bangs off her forehead, having loosened them from her bandana. It was a fancy bandana, don't get me wrong. Probably called a kerchief back then. Mom would cringe hearing me call it a bandana. 

As I snap beans 51 years later with my brother's daughter, at my brother's house, I smile at fond memories and make a note to ask my sister-in-law if he still sucks his fingers in the night. I'm told he still has his blankie.  I toss the beans in heated oil for 8 minutes, pour some soy sauce and rice vinegar on them and sprinkle them with ginger. I blow the bangs out of my eyes.

Indulge Cookbook Review

So... I love Valerie Bertinelli's new cookbook called Indulge.  I made three of the recipes this weekend and had some friends over for an outdoor picnic under the fairy lights. Very much Indulge style.

Pretzel Buns.  

I strongly recommend. These are easy to make, but time consuming. Detail oriented. Caution:  eat them fresh from the oven. They are unbelievably good at that point.  When I served them 7 hours later? Not so tasty, kind of bland. And that is precisely when my guests ate them.  Then I froze them and ate one the next day. Ugh. Hard as a Rock.

I will definitely make these again, many more times, but I will serve them freshly baked

Homemade Cheeze It's.

I also definitely recommend these. They are so good. But again they are best when they are freshly baked.  However, not so bad the next day too.  

Blistered Green Beans.

Amazing!!  All of my guests wanted the recipe.  I will be sending it to them. However you, my friend, will have to buy the book. Or check it out at your local library. I checked it out at the library first to make sure I liked it and then I went and bought it.

I very much recommend this book and this is not a paid sponsorship. Indulge is a lifestyle and not just a cookbook. It is so good. 

Muah, darlings. Go ahead... indulge.

Blue Ridge Snorkel Trail

Did you know there is a Blue Ridge Snorkel Trail? No, I didn't think so.

So I found this sign on the greenway along the Catawba River in Marion, NC.  Very intriguing. I'm a sea snorkeler, but I've never thought snorkeling about local rivers. I'd like to try it. 

The snorkel trail goes from Murphy to Marion, NC. It's a series of curated snorkel sites in NC rivers with easy access points to do some snorkeling.

Follow the links to the NC Fisheries Snorkel Trail page for more info and a map.

FAQs

Sounds like a Bucket List item!

Kielbasa & Kraut

So I crossed the Saluda and the Broad, hung a hard left and crossed the Catawba 90 minutes later.  I was going to spend some time with the Pops.

While I was there, he cooked me something his mama cooked for him when he was a wee boy circa 1947, Polish Kielbasa with kraut and potatoes.  It was SO GOOD I must share the recipe.

1 cup chicken broth

1 large jar of sauerkraut 

1 Polish Kielbasa

4 potatoes, cut into 3" pieces

Garlic and onion powder to taste

Salt and pepper to taste

Toss all of this into a crockpot. Cook on high for 6 hours.

Serves: 4

Enjoy!!

Indulge Cookbook (Valerie Bertinelli) Book Review

 So I know what I want for my birthday....

I checked this one out of the library. I'm only on page 72 and I know I want this book.  I don't even cook anymore! But THIS will get me going. This is just the ticket. I picture myself blissfully in my apron, cooking with a grandchild by my side, a cute little apprentice.

My favorite recipes so far:

• Eggs in Purgatory with Kale
• Classic Eggs Benedict 
• Cuban Sandwich with Slow-Cooked Pulled Pork
• Spinach and Ricotta Grilled Cheese
• Thyme and Gruyere Savory Cookies

Imagine!  ME.... Shopping for Gruyere! I'll have to dress nicer for that grocery trip. Maybe wear my strappy black sandals.

This recipe book is full of foods I love, mixed in interesting ways. It'll push me just enough to be fun and challenging. And I'm really looking forward to some new recipes to share with friends and family gathered around my picnic table while the kids swing in the hammock and birds chirp in the trees.  

And THAT, my friend, is how to Indulge.

Lake Lure Flowering Bridge & Campbell's Covered Bridge

Editor's Note: The flowering bridge was destroyed by Hurricane Helene in the fall of 2024. Check to see if they've rebuilt before you go.

The short story:  Lake Lure Flowering Bridge, 3070 Memorial Drive, Lake Lure, North Carolina. Great place to stop for an hour. We made this part of our day trip from Charlotte. We stopped for lunch and shopping at the Chimney Rock Village and also went over to the Campbell's Covered Bridge on the other side of Landrum, SC. This made a wonderful day trip for the mobile impaired. For those a little younger, go ahead and visit Chimney Rock.

I don't recommend Old Rock Cafe' unless you just getting a burger and fries or potato salad. All the other stuff we had was not good. It did have great outdoor seating over the river. Next time I will try Riverwalk bar and grill which also has great outdoor seating and looked much better.

Another two stops you might consider in this area is the Ellaberry Llama Farm and maybe getting some pictures of the giant bulls at Puncheon Camp Ranch. We didn't do either of these and I cannot review them.

Campbell's Covered Bridge is a must see for those who love the old bridges. It was updated in 2022 or 23. There are some picnic tables and a big hill you can climb with some benches around it. The walk down to the bridge is moderate but not exactly wheelchair friendly. It is paved, but it is steep. We had some 80-year-olds walk it with the use of a cane. The river is a great place for kids to stick their toes in the water.

The Long Story: So we jumped on 85 South heading out of Charlotte, quietly crossing the Irwin and Stewart Creeks and I finally crossed the Catawba again a little North of where I usually do. Thought about Nana and the many times I crossed the Catawba to see her.

We motored on and took a right on highway 74, waved to Eva out our left window at Gardner-Webb University and crossed the Broad River. We took a hard right on highway 9, sneaked over the Walnut Creek then we snaked around Lake Lure way up to the tippy top and crossed the Broad again.

When I firmly put the car in park, we were at the Lake Lure Flowering Bridge. The bridge was built in the early 1900s and then shut down when a new bridge was built next to it. Soon after that they revitalized the bridge and turned it into a garden.

We were there in early April and there wasn't a lot in bloom, but the gardens were adorable and beautiful. It was a lovely walk.

There is a Rainbow Bridge where you can memorialize your belated dog by hanging it's collar on the railing.

We then drove into Chimney Rock Village, driving perilously close to Bat Cave, NC, home of the North Carolina's Oldest Hillbilly.

We unfortunately ate at the Old Rock Cafe. We ordered the wraps (at the counter, no wait staff), but they were out of wraps. I got the pimento cheese sandwich which was spicy and just ok and I got the potato salad which was yummy. The burgers and fries were yummy. There's beautiful outdoor seating over the river with access to the Stony Riverwalk. Great place for kids to run around 

We shopped some of the cute gift shops and jumped back into the car to cross into SC, blow through Landrum, and zig zag into the Campbell's Covered Bridge parking lot. 

Mom and dad made it down the steep walkway and we enjoyed the shade and cool breeze inside the bridge as we walked through.

This was a great day trip from Charlotte. And you would even have time climb up to Chimney Rock if you so desire. I strongly recommend it as the view is outstanding.

Finding Solace Writing Prompt

In a world that often seemed chaotic, she found her solace at the feet of Uncle Ernie on the braided rug his mother created on his wedding day. The creaking of the rocking chair was just as hypnotic as the breathy voice purring words about milk carts, chunks of ice off the lake and butter churns. Her mind would drift between the centuries as the narrative wrapped around her, slowing her heartbeat.

Your turn. Finish this sentence, "in a world that often seemed chaotic she found her solace....."

A Cloudy Afternoon at the Library

I had an hour or two to spare on a cloudy weekday so I spent a little time at the libary (sic). Like a kid in a candy shop, I ran shelf to shelf grabbing whatever sparked my interest. I then found a table overlooking a very plush lawn, took off my jacket and began flipping through the books. I haven't done a book review in ages, so I decided to review my stack.

My stack: Painting Outdoor Scenes in Watercolor, Watercolor Life, 15-Minute Watercolor Masterpieces, Hot Springs Drive, Sargasso Sea, Above the Salt, Create Your Own Cozy, 5-Minute Sketching Architecture, Making Art From Maps and Junk Gypsy.

Making Art From Maps was supercool. I've always loved tearing up and marking old maps, using them in my junk journals or using them as a cover to a hand-made journal. This book has a lot of great ideas and includes some difficult projects. There were one or two projects I thought I might make someday.

I did not check this book out of the library because I would need to keep it for several years and that's a lot of overdue fees.

Create Your Own Cozy: 100 Practical Ways to Love Your Home and Life was also unique and very cool. It is interactive with several questionnaires to help you find your cozy.

Also there is a home maintenance list for each month of the year which I think would be very helpful so I wrote them down. Things like "Inspect electrical cords for wear and fraying" one month. Other months include "clean out your medicine cabinet," "Check your attic for ventilation issues and mold," "Clean your kitchen and bathroom exhaust fan filters," "Vacuum your dryer lint filter (who knew?!)," "Oil your garage door opener and chain," "Check that indoor and outdoor vents are not blocked," "Insulate outdoor spigots and bring in hoses," and many other things you may not think about. 

I did not check this book out, I left it in the re-shelf pile because I'm already quite cozy with my life.

Junk Gypsy: Designing a Life at the Crossroads of Wonder and Wander by Amie Sikes and Jolie Sikes. I know, right? This is so me. I bet you think I checked this one out. I did not. I love the book though, but it's another one I'd need to keep for a few years.

The book is full of examples to "spark your creative spirit" and DIY projects. It's a beautiful book, I enjoyed just looking at all the pages. 

"..the greatest parts of the road trip are the spontaneous, unplanned pit stops -- the greasy spoon, roadside diners, the endless historical markers, and the waiting-to-be-discovered side roads."

The book involves flea markets, restoring second-hand junk, a strong, curious desire to repurpose and sometimes resell. There's advice for what you need in your Junker's Toolbox, what to keep in your vehicle to aid and abet junking and a section with Pro Tips so you don't have to learn the hard way. At least for a few things. It has tons of DIY hints and projects. There's a Flea Market Field Guide. And there's even a couple recipes.

Watercolor Life: 40 Joy-Filled Lessons to Spark Your Creativity by Emma Block. I left it and you should, too. Actually, it would be good for beginners. It briefly explains color theory and techniques. Sure enough, there are 40 lessons for you to paint through.

15-Minute Watercolor Masterpieces: Creative Frame-Worthy Art in Just a Few Simple Steps by Anna Koliadych. This gives a little better watercolor instruction than the previous book. It's for beginners and intermediates. There is more discussion about techniques and several lessons you can follow.

I probably should have checked this one out, but I didn't. I wish I had. It seemed a little too simplistic though.

Painting Outdoor Scenes in Watercolor, by Richard K. Kaiser. Excellent book. Very, very in-depth with many techniques, tools and supplies. I might need to buy this one. But for now, I have it for four weeks. I might need donations towards my overdue fees, I'll let you know.

Above the Salt, a novel by Katherine Vaz. I normally do book reviews AFTER I read the book. Writing this before I read the book is just a summary, not a review. So here goes... The sleeve reads, "An irresistible and sweeping love story that follows two Portuguese refugees who flee religious violence and reignite their budding romance in civil-war America." Based on a true story. I think I'll like this because of the historical nature. I typically enjoy historical novels. I want to get a sense of what it was like to grow up in Portuguese poverty and religious persecution with a missionary father who was martyred. Errr.... sort of.

Hot Springs Drive, a novel by Lindsay Hunter. "Jackie wants to be many things, but a martyr has never been one of them." So there we are, again with the martyrs. I might need to be psychoanalyzed. She reinvents herself, so that sounds interesting. I often think of doing that, but I lack ambition. We'll see if I make it through the whole book, I'll let you know.

So that's it. Here's my take-home pile:

Happy Reading!

Sunday Satchel: College Kid

It's been a long time since I did a Sunday Satchel post. It was a lot of fun to go through this college kids purse.

Most questionable: a fried chicken key ring with no keys.

An ant-like caterpillar rainbow thing.

A taser.

Happy earbuds pack.

Chick Fil-A ice cream card.

2 bottles of perfume. 

(Full size not purse minis)

A two dollar bill. ❤️

Several lip glosses & hair accessories.

Thank you for playing, please exit to your right.

The Overriding Providence of God

As I enter week 2 of my physical suffering with intense pain, I ponder about the spiritual aspect. I have been seeking a reason God would allow this suffering to continue.

I certainly believe in natural consequences and inconveniences in life but I equally believe in spiritual consequences and the spiritual aspect of our everyday commonplace moments.

I found an interesting phrase in a devotional about forgiveness written by the late Dr. Jack Hayford. Coincidentally, I have been wrestling with forgiveness for 3 weeks. Forgiveness and its impact on reciprocity.

For example. I treated these people well, they did not treat me well, do I just move on or continue treating them well? I know the general Biblical answer and the specific answer for this specific situation. (I need to forgive and continue trying to be kind, even generous to them.)

So this devotional on forgiveness in my inbox caused me to pause.

And I found this interesting phrase that I had to dig into.

"... pure faith in the overriding providence of God."

And it brought me back to my current suffering in pain.

With this physically painful situation that I have done everything in my power to resolve, do I have faith in the overriding Providence of God?

Let's define those words.

Overriding. 1. More important than any other consideration. 2. Extending or moving over something especially while remaining in close contact.

Providence. 1. The protective care of God. 2. God as providing protective or spiritual care. 3. Timely preparation for future eventualities.

Interesting.

Do I have faith in the overriding providence of God regarding my physical suffering and tremendous, extended pain?

Can I rest in this moment of my life? Can I stop fighting for resolution and accept that God has my best interest at heart and that He is aware of - and possibly has planned for - this suffering?

If I accept that, what changes? 

What if the suffering is not the result of natural circumstances in an earthly environment? What if it was purposed by God? 

Can I believe that God is good?

Because I definitely do believe that. So can I believe in his overriding providence? That He is in overriding control and that I am in His protective care?

I can. I do.

That removes fear. That removes my furious, all-consuming efforts to remove the pain. That redirects my focus from self to God. Even, shall we say, from self to others.

Can I rest in this pain?

Take it a step further.... Can I serve in this pain? Can I be a blessing? Can I be faithful?

I must. And it should be natural, supernatural really, not forced or coerced. It should flow.... Rise above the suffering. 

Interesting.